And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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