I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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