my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
