You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
