I think im going to throw up on grandma
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
