we have pet lesbian snakes
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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