i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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