When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
