It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
