I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
