I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
