He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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