I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
