Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
