I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
