U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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