I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
