I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
