just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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