There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
