Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
