This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
