if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
