so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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