matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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