Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
