I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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