Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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