Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
