Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
