I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
