if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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