I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
