There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
