apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so let's talk penis.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
