so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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