I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
