Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
