Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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