its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
