dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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