I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
