I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
