dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
