We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
