some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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