My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
