Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
