dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
