so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
