Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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