I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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