I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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